At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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