How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
