Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
