I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
