i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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