And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
