Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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