just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i've created a new STD.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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