if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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