I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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