I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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