mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
