if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
