the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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