I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
