it hurts more in the daytime
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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