mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
