If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
