hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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