I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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