We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
