True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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