Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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