You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
