i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
