I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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