but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
