did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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