Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
