I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
