Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
