he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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