I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
