I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
