How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
