You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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