I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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