why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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