im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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