Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
they're like a gay fantastic four
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize