you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
