You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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