I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
