It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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