we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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