I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
