Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
