am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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