is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
