We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
