My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize