Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
