stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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