Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
