He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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