So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
