I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i barfeds in our rink
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
