I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize