so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
