which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
