Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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