but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
