Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
