I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
