When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize